YES- this, for me, is one of the most powerful quotes that I included in this book because it really defined the way I viewed my divorce. Married life was the opposite of everything I wanted in my home, in spite of all my attempts to force the relationship to work, I was constantly feeling like my dreams and goals were discounted and impossible.
In divorce, I was able to take the reigns on my life and build an existence that was more in line with my personal values. All those fights about food and clothing and child-rearing weren’t necessary parts of life and without the presence of another adult in the house, I could build a family environment that matched my personal goals. So we had peace. And we had healthy foods and we wore whatever made us happy.
I knew money would be tight, it always had been, but at least, in divorce, I knew that not a dime would be squandered on non-nutritive beverages, frozen pizzas and candy bars. Sure, we splurged every now and then but mostly we were just finally able to afford to have fresh fruits and veggies every day. The peace of mind that comes with knowing that you’re providing your family with the best of options is priceless.
In my married-dreams, I’d fantasize about peace. Sometimes that came in the form of escaping the home in order to be in nature and silence, relaxing without someone else’s angry or irrational input. But in the reality of divorce, I learned that the peace I wanted could totally come alongside the chaos of a big and busy family. It wasn’t “alone time” that I craved, it was peace and our home became peaceful in spite of the fact that there were tons of kids and their friends around. I always suspected that the one angry and aggressive personality was the cause of all the stress, but divorce proved it. Without the presence of an angry and emotionally manipulative adult in the house we could all just be ourselves and relax in safety and comfort. That’s peace.
The life I created after my divorce is filled with tons of peace, protecting the peaceful vibe in our home has been super important and I’m pretty sure that being ultra-sensitive to conflict has helped me refine which personalities I’m going to keep in my life and which ones aren’t welcome. Our new life is playful, cooperative, healthy and fun. What will your new life be?